shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
