All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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