My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
