I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
