remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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