What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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