3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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