I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
