Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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