Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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