Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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