I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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