i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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