I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
