I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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