Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
