i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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