You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
