Don't you send me to vm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
