don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
