so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
