Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
