I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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