I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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