Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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