I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
