I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
