I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
