Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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