doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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