I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
