she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
