She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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