i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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