none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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