I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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