i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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