So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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