i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
