There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
