That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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