The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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