sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
