Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
