just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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