my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
