We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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