Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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