Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
