You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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