Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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