Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
